Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Stop Trying To Burn Us Down

"I don't want to set the world on fire..." - The Ink Spots
June is coming to a close, and it’s very hot and dry. We’re talking Tinder Box dry. And yet, every night, I’m hearing some jackhole setting off fireworks, despite warnings about fire hazards. So here’s your warning: Unless we get measurable amounts of rain soon, if I catch you setting off fireworks, I’m going to light you on fire. Don’t worry about the grass, I’ll have water to help put out the trail you’ll leave while running around, screaming.
When I mentioned this thought to one of the supervisors here, he told me that he’s been having an issue around the bike rack here at the office. I guess smokers have been throwing their cigarette butts down on the ground around the bike rack, and it’s set the mulch on fire twice. I've had various friends on The Twitter mention the same thing, as well as talking about wildfires along the interstates.
Seriously, people. Look at Colorado. Look at anyplace out west. At one time or another, they’ve had huge fires. Is that what you want out here? I-69 is a pain to drive as it is, how would you like it if it was closed down due to wildfires and smoke because you had to flick your Virginia Slim out the window? Yes, a great way to celebrate our countries independence is to blow up a piece of it, but NOT to burn it down.
People, be smart, don’t feel entitled to your dang “tradition,” and realize that if you don’t buy fireworks this year, then you might be able to afford to make an extra mortgage or car payment to get yourself ahead!
Please, stop trying to burn down my home. I keep my stuff here.
I’ll have a gas can and a bucket of water waiting, and I won’t mix up what I’ll be throwing them on.

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